


Every time I think of you, I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue.

by Mompunk



Category: Beverly Hills 90210 (1990)
Genre: Its just weed dont worry, M/M, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26221516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mompunk/pseuds/Mompunk
Summary: This is like my first published piece of creative writing and i wrote it over a couple of hours in one night so it might not be that good/have errors but i wrote this for me anyway.Honestly im only in season 2 so this is set sometime around season 1 before brenda broke up with dylan, personally im writing dylan as bisexual but its the early 90s so even if he has travelled around and allegedly had some wild times before the show started, im not sure he would have the resources to find out about the proper labels to use.title from bizarre love triangle by new ordermaybe i'll have a part 2 if i feel like it.
Relationships: Dylan McKay/Brandon Walsh
Comments: 6
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

“You have a new crush every week, how do you know you really like him?” Donna asked Kelly at lunch. 

“Why don't you ask Brenda how she knew about Dylan? I just know that me and Eric Stevens are meant to be.'' Kelly said with an air of confidence. She was always so confident, as she should be, she was Kelly Taylor and she could have any boy she wanted. Dylan was kind of envious of her sometimes. Everyone looked to Brenda to answer a question that Kelly only half asked. 

“Well...I guess at first i didn't _really_ know, i just thought Dylan was cool and cute and then we started hanging out and then we started dating.” Brenda scooted closer to Dylan and put her arm around him. Dylan stayed quiet.

“Well, there we go.” Kelly had a sense of finality to her voice. 

\---

When the bell rang and everyone was leaving the quad for 6th period, Brenda grabbed Dylan's hand. 

“Are you gonna walk me to class?”

“Sorry babe, I gotta drop some homework off in Mrs. Morgan's room,” making a vague gesture in the opposite direction Brenda was heading towards. They exchanged goodbyes and she kissed him on the cheek. 

“Hey man, can I ask you something?” Brandon caught up with Dylan and they did their little bro handshake.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Can I stay at your place tonight? My parents are having people over for this dinner party thing.”

“Yeah man, you're always welcome at Casa McKay.” Dylan said sarcastically.

“Thanks. I'll catch you later.” Brandon split off in the direction of his next class. Dylan sighed deeply, thinking about how this was gonna be a hard night for him.

\---

Dylan got back to the hotel suite, his father wasn't in town, like usual, and checked the clock. It was nearly four. He felt bad, like really bad. He had never meant to fall for his best friend, or his girlfriend's twin brother. He liked Brenda, she was different from all the other girls he had “dated”. She was smart, kind, thoughtful and she was cute, but so was Brandon. At first he hadn't wanted to admit it, but Dylan has spent enough of his life repressing his feelings to know this whole Brandon thing was for real. He resigned himself to putting in a CD and watching the clock for the next couple of hours. 

\---

When Dylan heard a knock on the door he jumped, and forced himself not to rush to open the door. 

“How's it goin, B” Dylan cringed internally, hating the forced casualness. 

“It's good,” Brandon walked into the living room, “I heard Robocop is playing on HBO tonight.”

“Cool, cool.” Dylan stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Do you wanna like, I don't know, smoke some weed or something?” 

\---

Dylan looked over on the couch at Brandon, who was sitting on the opposite end of the couch. His eyes traced over his jawline and down his neck. He felt content for a second, he loved moments like this. Moments where he felt he was in control. 

Brandon looked over and caught his eye, “What are you looking at?” he quietly laughed, not in a mean way of course, in Dylan’s eyes Brandon could never be mean on purpose. 

Dylan smiled and shook his head “Nothing.” he looked back at the tv. Robocop had just shot someone.

“Do you do this a lot?”

“Do what?”

“You know. This.” Dylan saw Brandon gesture around the room.

“If by ‘this’ you mean smoke weed, then yeah, sometimes I do.” Dylan took a sip of his soda. 

“Does Brenda know?” 

“Does it matter?” Brandon raised an eyebrow, “Come on, dude, you know how she is. She would totally freak out on me. Sometimes she acts like she's my mom or something.”

Brandon holds his hands up in mock surrender. “Hey man, it's cool, your secrets are safe with me.” With that, they turned back to the movie.

\---

They were sitting face to face sifting through Dylan's shoeboxes and milk crates filled with cassettes and CDs. Brandon smiled as he held up a mixtape with magazine clippings on the sleeve. 

“Whats on this one?” Dylan shrugged, grabbed it out of his hand, and popped it into the stereo. Bizarre Love Triangle started playing. Brandon grinned, “I didn't know you liked New Order.” Dylan shrugged again before reaching over to the makeshift tinfoil ashtray on the coffee table, and grabbing the half smoked joint from earlier and lighting it again, taking a hit. He passed it back to Brandon. 

“Hey, did you hear about that Martin Kline kid?” Dylan leaned back instinctively, in case he would hear something he didn't want to. 

Brandon exhaled the smoke from his lungs, “Yeah hes um, the one that just told everyone he’s gay” 

“Yeah. that's pretty cool, huh? Like, really brave of him.”

“I guess, some people have kinda given him a hard time about it. That must suck pretty hard, that's something you can't really change about yourself,” Dylan relaxed a bit more and Brandon passed back the joint, “Why are you asking me?” 

“No reason, just been thinking about it recently.” Dylan reached back to the “ashtray” and tapped the joint out again.

\---

They were sitting next to each other on the couch, shoulder to shoulder, sharing a pack of Twizzlers. The room is only lit by the soft blue glow of the television. Dylan looked over at Brandon, which he does often, thought “fuck it” and kissed him. It was a quick, closed mouth kiss. Dylan pulled back, looked into Brandon’s eyes, and then the panic set in. He stood up fast, stumbling backwards, putting as much distance between them as fast as possible.

“Uh, I uh, i'm really sorry man I-” then he just turned and walked into the bedroom. He curled up on the bed and waited until he inevitably heard Brandon leave. He hoped to just sink into the bed, never to be heard from again. Brandon was still sitting on the couch in shock, not believing that he just witnessed Dylan McKay lose his cool. He stood up and slowly walked toward the bedroom door, which was luckily unlocked, and slipped into the dark room, closing the door behind him. He crawled onto the bed, putting as much space in between them as possible. 

“Do you hate me now?” Dylan asked, barely louder than a whisper. Brandon had never heard him like this, he almost seemed like just a boy. Brandon was starting to realize how little he actually knew about his supposed best friend, and he hoped to change that. 

“I could never hate you.” Brandon turned on his side to look at Dylan, who was still facing away from him. 

“Are you gonna tell Brenda?”

“No. This is something you should tell her yourself.”

“I’m not gay or anything you know,” Dylan turned over on his back, staring at the ceiling, he took a deep breath, “Actually, I dont know what I am.”

“That's fine. I don't care. You're still my friend.” Brandon leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to Dylan’s cheek. “I'll be in the other room. Goodnight, D”

“Goodnight.” when Brandon closed the bedroom door Dylan pressed his hands to his face, feeling warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is like my first published piece of creative writing and i wrote it over a couple of hours in one night so it might not be that good/have errors but i wrote this for me anyway. 
> 
> Honestly im only in season 2 so this is set sometime around season 1 before brenda broke up with dylan, personally im writing dylan as bisexual but its the early 90s so even if he has travelled around and allegedly had some wild times before the show started, im not sure he would have the resources to find out about the proper labels to use. 
> 
> title from bizarre love triangle by new order
> 
> maybe i'll have a part 2 if i feel like it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im kinda just disregarding the way they wrote emily valentine bc shes a gay icon and it kinda bums me out that they wrote her (and scott) off when theyre kind of the only stand ins for outcasts and poor kids that would watch 90210
> 
> kinda just writing her and brandon as friends, maybe the girls still didnt like her when she came to west beverly

Brandon dropped his pen, tilted his head back, and sighed. He couldn't concentrate on his history homework to save his life. 

“Hey Em,” Emily looked up from her own binder, “how do you know if youre...you know.” Waving his hand around in front of his face.

She blinked and scrunched her face up “What the fuck are you talking about?” _Ah yes, that's Emily Valentine I know and love_ , Brandon thought, _straight forward as ever_. Probably one of the reasons Brenda doesn't like her. He loves his sister but she has a propensity towards drama, he figured most girls do. The more he thought about it, he does as well. 

“Well, you know Em, you're not...normal.” It came out sounding more like a question.

“I'm not normal?” She raised an eyebrow, she was tired of him already. “Brandon if you don't tell me what this is about i’m not gonna help you”

“Okay, fine, what i’m trying to ask is...” he took a deep breath “how would you know that you’re gay?”

She stared at him, before fully closing her book, setting it aside and turning to him, cross legged at the end of his bed. “Are you asking because you think i’m gay or do you think you’re gay?” panic was rising in Brandon’s chest, he was thinking of an excuse, either one could cause a negative reaction from her. He ended up stuttering out a bunch of “uhs” and “ums” before Emily could reassure him.

“Hey, dude, calm down. You know I dont give a shit about stuff like that, especially considering that I am actually gay.”

“Oh.” He sounded hollow.

“So which is it?” She asked again 

“Oh, uhh, both i guess.” Brandon swallowed “One of my guy friends kissed me, and it wasn't even bad or anything, and now I can't stop thinking “what if?””

“Do I happen to know this guy friend?” Emily asked with a grin on her face.

He glared, “Maybe.”

“Brandon, i’m not a scientist or anything but if the answer to “am i gay?” is anything but no, that might be a sign”

“You think i don't know that?” He's beginning to get agitated, mostly because his fears are being confirmed.

“Hey don't bite my head off, i'm only trying to help” she held her hands up “Have you ever thought about doing things with guys before? Not even just sex stuff, like relationship stuff, holding hands and dates.” He stayed silent, and that was answer enough for her. “That's fine, didn't he kiss you anyway? You probably have a chance with him.” she smiled again, and nudged him in the shoulder.

“That's not the point. I don't want to be different, I don't want to be scared of what people think about me the rest of my life,” he closed his eyes, trying to hide the tears in his eyes, “Besides, he has a girlfriend anyway.”

Her eyes widened as she realized which of Brandons friends had a girlfriend, “Brandon!” she hissed out in a whisper, “Was it Dylan?” He nodded, “Dude! He's dating your sister!” She lightly punched his shoulder, as if she was trying to knock the fact into his mind, as if he hadn't done that himself already. 

He shushed her, motioning to the bathroom door he and his sister shared “I’m well aware, he kissed me, remember?”

She looked at him sadly, and he avoided eye contact. He hated that, someone pitying him, especially when he's spent so much time being everyone's moral compass, his parents golden child. If only they know who their son really was. 

“Do you wanna go out tonight? Get your mind off things? Tell your parents we’re going for dinner and a movie,” she smiled at him, “I'd be happy to be your beard any day of the week”

As they walked towards his car Brandon thought to ask Emily another question, “Is there a word for someone who likes girls and boys?”

She linked arms with him, “Yeah, there is actually”

\---

_Man, I hope this doesn't become a habit,_ Brandon thought while he was crouched behind one of Emily's friends car, smoking a joint. While he had his head leaned against her shoulder in the movie theater, eating popcorn with m&ms in it, high as a kite watching The Addams Family, he felt really calm. He was glad he had a friend like her, someone who understood. He knew if you told him he would be in this situation a year ago, he would have laughed in your face, but that doesn’t matter now. He starts laughing when Emily tries to put eye drops in his eyes so he doesn’t get caught by Jim and Cindy. _Life is so absurd_ , he thinks. 


End file.
